The Notebook

Here in American it seems that we strive to find the "American Dream." The "American Dream" to me is represented in the movie The Notebook. The thing that I want most in live is feeling the love of my significant other. When I watch the movie I become so overwhelmed with emotion. I cry, because I am filled with so much sadness, emptiness and loneliness that by the end of the movie i can only hope that one day I can have all those same emotions and love that the characters have. Noah and Allie had a romantic relationship filled with passion, happiness, craziness, and especially love. Here is a clip in case you are not familiar with the movie. http://youtube.com/watch?v=S3G3fILPQAU
When I see people in the street especially a couple displaying this type of affection (as shown in the clip) I get so angry. Not specifically at them but what they have and what I don't have. I become hurt and frustrated so much that I want to run over to them and punch them in the hear for being able to express those emotions and most important because they have one another. Do I actually do it? N0, although if I really had no control over myself that is what I would do. Just like Noah I become so bottled up that I become a completely different person.
I tend to think of myself as firecracker. I am so full of emotion and passion and I am just waiting to for that person who has the same firecracker qualities and can not wait until 4Th of July (when we meet) to explode into this amazing piece of chemistry. Sometimes I believe that my expectations are to high, I tend to jump right in and i am willing to hand anyone the torch to make me explode, but when they use a wet match it tends to make me fizzle out and all I am left with is the pain of the burst.
I often struggle because I know I am capable of expressing these emotions but I dwell on past experiences and become discouraged asking myself, Will I ever find my firecracker? When will my notebook start? It is easy to say I can just fix this by not dwelling on the past but when it comes down to actually not doing it or moving forward I find it a lot more difficult. I find it best to not express any of these emotions and disguise my true feelings behind kind eyes and a friendly smile.